Dear stressed out Hubby

I know you really want me to go to Idaho to have this baby. I kinda thought you had given up at this late date (28 wks is kinda pushing it...) but your little fit today tells me otherwise.

"I guess every decision I make is wrong then!" cue petulant 6'2" 300lb Marine stomping off into his Mancave (he was right to make that room his Mancave).

No but this is not going to go well at all.

Sweetie I am not going to put my relatives, by blood or marriage, out by asking them to put up with not only me but a toddler who is already embracing the terrible twos with gusto.

And Peanut and You were so sweet today together and yesterday, he's finally bonding with you and you want to mess that up? Really? Makes me want to cry.

I know you're stressed about the baby coming and this bullshit NJP the Lt.Col. is putting you through. Yes if it goes through you'll be in the barracks for 30 days. Yes that would suck. But I can still bring lil Man to see you! And honestly this is the only month you've pitched in watching him for me when I have an appt do it's really not going to be much different having you gone then when you're here except we won't get to see your handsome mug as much.

What I do have here is a friend who is only 3 minutes away who Baby Boy trusts and I can depend on. I have a whole network of people who keep me from getting lonely here. I have my own house I can walk around naked in if I so choose. And I won't have to wait a month in my last trimester for the tricare bureacy to get my health insurance to a new state so I can see some drs!

After our last fight I told my self I would make an effort not to engage myself in a emotional fight when you're already stressed out no matter what kind of idiot you're being. I think it's been working!

I'm not moving to Idaho just to have this baby. We can't afford to do it right and I know it would be a huge mistake to do it half assed. Also forgive me if I think having your son and daughter near you as much as possible is more of a priority then being Idaho for Love Bugs birth.

Random thought of the Day...

Kathy Lee, Hoda and their man advice group were asked by a fan if they thought long distance relationships work. The ladies and the men were pretty much usually no; that it's to much work. I guess it depends on your own experiences.

In the military life style I've seen women having relationships long distance with their deployed spouses all the time. And usually they survive the deployment to struggle with how to live
together again after the deployment. This was my own experience as well, crappy satellite phone calls and loving letters give way to a haunted man who isn't the same man you gave a tearful good bye and you have to figure out how to support him, let go of your own expectations, and put up with a man who went from great to an asshole over a year time and it's not even his fault.

The Marine Corps actually has all kinds of programs to help couples strengthen their relationship and work through problems but it's like pulling teeth to get the men to go (obviously a generalization) and women can get more and more crazy the longer their men don't try to work with them.

I don't know how to fix it but it just struck me because of this lifestyle the long distance isn't the hard part, it's the trying to be together while having so many issues (combat PTSD, TBI, Combat stress etc for men and insecurity, helplessness feeling over your life, unable to help the man you love etc for women.) on your own.

I hope there is a new awesome way to address all this, there are a lot of people it would help.

Your thoughts?

Such a useful site for PTSD!

http://www.familyofavet.com/coping_skills_PTSD_spouse.html

I'm not perfect

Sometimes I have to remind myself hubby puts up with a lot from me too.

I don't keep the house clean

I wash and dry clothes but let it pile up before I fold it.

I don't always cook dinner on time

I often force feed him healthy food whether he wants it or not

I refuse to get a job outside the home

I forget to dress up for PJ.

I refuse to quit fighting when I know it's not the best time and he's not in the best state of mind for it.

I'm very stubborn about moving to Idaho when he gets out.

But even more stubborn about not moving while pregnant this time. He's so distance (mentally and emotionally) in his PTSD that I really can not stand the idea of being far away physically until I'm more secure in where he's at mentally and our intimacy is more like it was when we were friends, dating and got married... Basically the pre deployment relationship.

Also how can I move when we haven't fixed my mini-van or figured out how to afford the new baby stuff, food for both households and rent on a new place?

nope definitely not moving until all of my concerns are met and none of them are things I can do without my hunny.

Because I'm not perfect.

I'm insecure in love, i'm jealous, I've been having trouble focusing, managing my time or staying organized. I'm frazzled and scattered. I feel burnt out life half the time and just want to be a mom because my son makes happiest in life right now. I could go on but I really should clean while the kid naps
:)

Please comment below if you read this :)

Sad afternoon...

This afternoon I'm hurting for my husband. A good friend of his passed away in combat and PJ took it pretty hard. Please say prayers and positive thoughts for my husband and the Stacey family and friends.

No change

I'm optimistic for the future but I'm still not hopeful for PJ and I.

It's so sad that his disease influences him to shut off about communicating with me about everything and make decisions regarding the future.

I love him so much but I'm tired of waiting for him to even try to work on our marriage. I'm tired of the influence he is on our children with his smoking,chewing, and drinking. His cussing. I don't want our marriage right now that my kids expect to have when they grow up. I'm so sad about it all.

I'm so tired of him pushing me away., I give up. I'll just start packing everything up for the babies and I to go back to Idaho when we get the money I can move up to Idaho since that is what PJ wants.

I can't fight it anymore and he's not willing to try.

Feeling Like Giving Up

I've been so tired this last month that paying our bills and our budget has fallen apart and I still can't figure out where it went wrong.

Normally people would be able to have a spouse help them with figuring money stuff out but I don't. Every time we have trouble with cash flow PJ retreats in himself and expects me to fix it all without help. I normally still fall him around giving him the info whether he wants it or not. I'm so tired right now though. I'm preggo and trying to bring in more money and I just can't do it right now.

I just have ran out of the energy to keep pushing him towards normalcy. I have been so tired this last 2 months every thing has fallen apart financially. I'm so normally so good at it. Then when I start falling behind instead of supporting me and helping me he just retreats and pushes me away. In this moment I just want to do nothing. I don't want to pay bills, I don't want to push him, I don't want to plan for our next move and I don't to think about the future.

I just want to play with my son and be ignorant to the situation I'm in. And I'm never like that, I've always been a optimistic plan every move kind of person.

It's exhausting and it's only the 4th day of the year. The joys of being married to someone with PTSD.